Slim Shady LP CD1
01 - Public Service Announcement
01 - Public Service Announcement
This is a public service
announcement brought to you in part by Slim Shady.
The views and events expressed here are totally fucked,
And are not necessarily the views of anyone.
However the events and suggestions that appear on this album are not to be taken
lightly.
Children should not partake in the listening of this album with laces in their
shoes.
Slim Shady is not responsible for your actions.
Upon purchasing this album you have agreed to try this at home.
Anything else?
Yeah, don't do drugs.
Chorus: repeat 2X
Hi! My name is.. (what?) My name is.. (who?)
My name is.. *scratches* Slim Shady
Hi! My name is.. (huh?) My name is.. (what?)
My name is.. *scratches* Slim Shady
Ahem.. excuse me!
Can I have the attention of the class
for one second?
[Eminem]
Hi kids! Do you like violence? (Yeah yeah yeah!)
Wanna see me stick Nine Inch Nails through each one of my eyelids? (Uh-huh!)
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (Yeah yeah!)
Try 'cid and get ***ed up worse that my life is? (Huh?)
My brain's dead weight, I'm tryin to get my head straight
but I can't figure out which Spice Girl I want to impregnate (Ummmm..)
And Dr. Dre said, "Slim Shady you a basehead!"
Uh-uhhh! "So why's your face red? Man you wasted!"
Well since age twelve, I've felt like I'm someone else
Cause I hung my original self from the top bunk with a belt
Got pissed off and ripped Pamela Lee's tits off
And smacked her so hard I knocked her clothes backwards like Kris Kross
I smoke a fat pound of grass and fall on my ass
faster than a fat bitch who sat down too fast
C'mere slut! (Shady, wait a minute, that's my girl dog!)
I don't give a ***, God sent me to piss the world off!
Chorus
[Eminem]
My English teacher wanted to flunk me in junior high
Thanks a lot, next semester I'll be thirty-five
I smacked him in his face with an eraser, chased him with a stapler
and stapled his nuts to a stack of papers (Owwwwwwww!)
Walked in the strip club, had my jacket zipped up
Flashed the bartender, then stuck my dick in the tip cup
Extraterrestrial, runnin over pedestrians
in a spaceship while they screamin at me: "LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS!"
Ninety-nine percent of my life I was lied to
I just found out my mom does more dope than I do (Damn!)
I told her I'd grow up to be a famous rapper
Make a record about doin drugs and name it after her (Oh thank you!)
You know you blew up when the women rush your stands
and try to touch your hands like some screamin Usher fans (Aaahhhhhh!)
This guy at White Castle asked for my autograph
(Dude, can I get your autograph?)
So I signed it: 'Dear Dave, thanks for the support, ASSHOLE!'
Chorus
[Eminem]
Stop the tape! This kid needs to be locked away! (Get him!)
Dr. Dre, don't just stand there, OPERATE!
I'm not ready to leave, it's too scary to die (*** that!)
I'll have to be carried inside the cemetery and buried alive
(Huh yup!) Am I comin or goin? I can barely decide
I just drank a fifth of vodka -- dare me to drive? (Go ahead)
All my life I was very deprived
I ain't had a woman in years, and my palms are too hairy to hide
(Whoops!) Clothes ripped like the Incredible Hulk (hachhh-too)
I spit when I talk, I'll *** anything that walks (C'mere)
When I was little I used to get so hungry I would throw fits
HOW YOU GONNA BREAST FEED ME MOM? (WAH!)
YOU AIN'T GOT NO TITS! (WAHHH!)
I lay awake and strap myself in the bed
Put a bulleproof vest on and shoot myself in the head (BANG!)
I'm steamin mad (Arrrggghhh!)
And by the way when you see my dad? (Yeah?)
Tell him that I slit his throat, in this dream I had
Chorus
Man: Meet Eddie. 23 years old.
Fed up with life and
the way things are going, he decides to rob a (I can't take this
anymore, I can't take this anymore) liquor store
But on his way in, he has a sudden
change of heart. And suddenly, his conscience comes into play...
Dre: Alright, stop! (Huh?) Now before you walk in the door
Of this liquor store and try to get money out the drawer
You better think of the consequence (Who are you?)
I'm your motherfuckin' conscience
M&M: That's nonsense. Go in gather the money
And run to one of your aunt's cribs
And borrow a damn dress and one of her blond wigs
Tell her you need a place to stay
You'll be safe for days if you shave your legs
With Renee's razor blades
Dre: Yeah but if it all goes through like it's supposed to
The whole neighborhood knows you and they'll expose you
Think about it before you walk in the door first
Look at the store clerk, she's older than George Burns
M&M: Fuck dat, Do that shit, Shoot that bitch
Can you afford to blow this shit? Are you that rich?
Why you give a fuck if she dies? Are you that bitch?
Do you really think she gives a fuck if you have kids?
Dre: Man don't do it. It's not worth it to risk it! (You're right!)
Not over this shit (Stop!) Drop the biscuit (I will!)
Don't even listen to Slim yo, he's bad for you
M&M: You know what Dre? I don't like your attitude...*scratched out*
Man: *conversation in background*
Meet Stan. 21 years old. After meeting a young girl
at a rave party, things start getting hot and heavy in
an upstairs bedroom. Once again, his consciencecomes into play...
M&M: Now listen to me, while you're kissin' her cheek
Or smearin' her lipstick, slip this in her drink
Now all you gotta do is nibble on this little bitch's earlobe...
Dre: Yo! This girl's only 15 years old
You shouldn't take advantage of her, that's not fair
M&M: Yo, look at her bush, does it got hair? (Uh-huh)
Fuck this bitch right here on the spot bare
Til she passes out and she forgot how she got there..
Dre: Man, ain't you ever seen that one movie Kids?
M&M: No, but I seen a porno with Son Doobiest!
Dre: Shit, you wanna get hauled off to jail?
M&M: Yeah fuck that, hit that chick raw-dog and bail...*scratched out*
Man: Meet Brady. A 29 year old construction worker. *footsteps
on gravel* After coming home from a hard day's work,
he walks in the door of his trailer park home to
find his wife in bed with another man. *moaning* (What the fuck?)
Dre: Alright calm down, relax, start breathin...
M&M: Fuck dat shit you just caught this bitch cheatin
While you at work she's with some dude tryin' to get off?!?!
Fuck slittin' her throat! CUT THIS BITCH'S HEAD OFF!!
Dre: Wait, what if there's an explanation for this shit?
M&M: What? She tripped? Fell? Landed on his dick?
Dre: Shit, alright Shady. Maybe he's right Brady.
But think about the baby before you get all crazy.
M&M: Okay! Thought about it, still wanna stab her?
Grab her by the throat, get the daughter and kidnap her?
That's what I did, be smart, don't be a retard
You gonna take advice from somebody that slapped DEE BARNES?!?!
Dre: What you say?
M&M: What's wrong? Didn't think I'd remember?
Dre: I'ma kill you motherfucker!
M&M: Uh-Uh! Temper temper! Mr. Dre? Mr. N.W.A.?
Mr. A-K comin' Straight Outta Compton Y'all Better Make Way??!
How in the fuck you gon' tell this man not to be violent?
Dre: Cuz he don't need to go the same route that I went
Been there done that... *shotgun cocks* aw fuck it...
What am I sayin'? Shoot 'em both Brady, where's your gun at?
BANG! *cocks* BANG!
Scalpel (here)
Sponge (here)
Wait he's convulsing...he's convulsing
Were gonna have to shock him (oh my god), we're gonna have to shock him! (oh my
god)
these are the results of a thousand electric volts
a neck with bolts
(nurse we're losin him check the pulse!)
a kid who refused to respect adults
wore spectacles with taped frames and a freckled nose
a corny lookin white boy scrawny and over dishonary
cuz i was always sick of brawny bullies pickin on me
and i might snap one day just like that
i decided to strike back and flatten every tire on the bike rack
my first day in junior high this kid said
"its you and i. three o'clock sharp this afternoon you die"
i looked at my watch it was 1:20
i already gave you my lunch money what more do you want from me?
he said "dont try to run from me, you'll just make it worse"
my palms were sweaty and i started to shake at first
something told me (try to fake a stomach ache it works)
i screamed "ow! my appendix feel it may get burst!"
"teacher teacher! quick i need a naked nurse!"
"whats the matter?"
"i dunno my leg it hurts!"
"leg? i thought you said it was your tummy"
"oh, i mean it is but i also got a bum knee!"
"Mr. Mathers, the fun and games are over,
and just for that stunt you're gonna get some extra homework"
"but dont you wanna give me after school detention?"
"nah, that bully wants to beat your ass and i'ma let him"
brain damage ever since the day i was born
drugs is what they used to say i was on
they say i never knew which way i was goin
but everywhere i go they keep playin my song
brain damage
brain damage ever since the day i was born
drugs is what they used to say i was on
they say i never knew which way i was goin
but everywhere i go they keep playin my song
brain damage
way before my baby daughter Hailie
i was harassed daily by this fat kid named D'Angelo Bailey
in eigth grade the dude acted obnoxious cuz his father boxes
so everyday he'd shove me in the lockers
one day he came in the bathroom while i was pissin
and had me in the position to beat me into submission
he banged my head against the urinal till he broke my nose
soaked my clothes in blood grabbed me and choked my throat
i tried to plead and tell him we shouldnt beef
but he just wouldn't leave he kept chokin me and i couldnt breathe
he looked at me and said "you gonna die honkey"
the principal (whats goin on here?) walked in and started helpin him stomp me
i made em think they beat me to death
holdin my breath for like 5 minutes until they finally left
then i got up and ran to the janitor's storage booth
kicked the door hinge loose and ripped out the 4 inch screws
grabbed some sharp objects, brooms and foreign tools
this is for every time you took my orange juice
or stole my seat in the lunchroom and drank my chocolate milk
everytime you tipped my tray and it dropped and spilled
i'm gettin you back bully, now once and for good
i cocked the broomstick back and swung hard as i could
and beat him over the head with it till i broke the wood
knocked him down and stood on his chest with one foot
made it home later that same day
started readin a comic and suddenly everything became grey
i couldn't even see what i was tryin to read
i went deaf and my left ear started to bleed
my mother started screamin "what're you on drugs?
look at you, you're gettin blood all over my rug!" (i'm sorry)
she beat me over the head with the remote control
opened a hole and my whole brain fell out of my skull
i picked it up and screamed "look bitch what have you done"
"oh my god i'm sorry son" shut up you cunt
i said fuck it, took it and stuck it back up in my head
then i sewed it shut and put a couple of screws in my neck
brain damage ever since the day i was born
drugs is what they used to say i was on
they say i never knew which way i was goin
but everywhere i go they keep playin my song
brain damage
brain damage ever since the day i was born
drugs is what they used to say i was on
they say i never knew which way i was goin
but everywhere i go they keep playin my song
brain damage
its brain damage
i got brain damage
its brain damage
its probably brain damage
fuck its brain damage
brain damage
i got brain damage
its brain damage
Hey, what's going on, this is
Paul Rosenberger, attorney of law.
Listen, I listened to the rough copy of your album
And uh, you know I've just got to be honest with you
Can you tone it down a little bit?
Because there's only so much I can explain.
Give me a call.
Life.. by Marshall Mathers
What is life?
Life is like a big obstacle
put in front of your optical to slow you down
And everytime you think you gotten past it
it's gonna come back around and tackle you to the damn ground
What are friends?
Friends are people that you think are your friends
But they really your enemies, with secret indentities
and disguises, to hide they true colors
So just when you think you close enough to be brothers
they wanna come back and cut your throat when you ain't lookin
What is money?
Money is what makes a man act funny
Money is the root of all evil
Money'll make them same friends come back around
swearing that they was always down
What is life?
I'm tired of life
I'm tired of backstabbing ass snakes with friendly grins
I'm tired of committing so many sins
Tired of always giving in when this bottle of Henny wins
Tired of never having any ends
Tired of having skinny friends hooked on crack and mini-thins
I'm tired of this DJ playing your shit when he spins
Tired of not having a deal
Tired of having to deal with the bullshit without grabbing the steel
Tired of drowning in my sorrow
Tired of having to borrow a dollar for gas to start my Monte Carlo
I'm tired of motherfuckers spraying shit and dartin off
I'm tired of jobs startin off at 5.50 an hour
then this boss wonders why I'm smartin off
I'm tired of being fired everytime I fart and cough
Tired of having to work as a gas station clerk
for this jerk breathing down my neck driving me berzerk
I'm tired of using plastic silverware
Tired of working at Builders Square
Tired of not being a millionaire
But if I had a million dollars
I'd buy a damn brewery, and turn the planet into alcoholics
If I had a magic wand, I'd make the world suck my dick
without a condom on, while I'm on the john
If I had a million bucks
it wouldn't be enough, because I'd still be out robbing armored trucks
If I had one wish
I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss
I'm tired of being white trash, broke and always poor
Tired of taking pop bottles back to the party store
I'm tired of not having a phone
Tired of not having a home to have one in if I did have it on
Tired of not driving a BM
Tired of not working at GM
tired of wanting to be him
Tired of not sleeping without a Tylenol PM
Tired of not performing in a packed colliseum
Tired of not being on tour
Tired of fucking the same blonde whore after work
in the back of a Contour
I'm tired of making knots with a stack of ones
Having a lack of funds and resorting back to guns
Tired of being stared at
I'm tired of wearing the same damn Nike Air hat
Tired of stepping in clubs wearing the same pair of Lugz
Tired of people saying they're tired of hearing me rap about drugs
Tired of other rappers who ain't bringin half the skill as me
saying they wasn't feeling me when nobody's as ill as me
I'm tired of radio stations telling fibs
Tired of J-L-B saying "Where Hip-Hop Lives"
But if I had a million dollars
I'd buy a damn brewery, and turn the planet into alcoholics
If I had a magic wand, I'd make the world suck my dick
without a condom on, while I'm on the john
If I had a million bucks
it wouldn't be enough, because I'd still be out robbing armored trucks
If I had one wish
I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss
You know what I'm saying?
I'm tired of all of this bullshit
People telling me to be positive
How'm I 'sposed to be positive when I don't see shit positive?
Know what I'm sayin?
I rap about shit around me, shit I see
Know what I'm sayin?
Right now I'm tired of everything
Tired of all this player hating that's going on in my own city
Can't get no airplay, you know what I'm sayin?
But ey, it's cool though, you know what I'm sayin?
Just fed up
That's my word
Just the two of us.. (8X)
Baby your da-da loves you (hey)
And I'ma always be here for you (hey) no matter what happens
You're all I got in this world
I would never give you up for nothin
Nobody in this world is ever gonna keep you from me
I love you
C'mon Hai-Hai, we goin to the beach
Grab a couple of toys and let da-da strap you in the car seat
Oh where's mama? She's takin a little nap in the trunk
Oh that smell (whew!) da-da musta runned over a skunk
Now I know what you're thinkin - it's kind of late to go swimmin
But you know your mama, she's one of those type of women
that do crazy things, and if she don't get her way, she'll throw a fit
Don't play with da-da's toy knife, honey, let go of it (no!)
And don't look so upset, why you actin bashful?
Don't you wanna help da-da build a sand castle? (yeah!)
And mama said she wants to show how far she can float
And don't worry about that little boo-boo on her throat
It's just a little scratch - it don't hurt, her was eatin
dinner while you were sweepin and spilled ketchup on her shirt
Mama's messy isn't she? We'll let her wash off in the water
and me and you can pway by ourselves, can't we?
Just the two of us.. (2X)
And when we ride!
Just the two of us.. (2X)
Just you and I!
Just the two of us.. (2X)
And when we ride!
Just the two of us.. (2X)
Just you and I!
See honey.. there's a place called heaven and a place called hell
A place called prison and a place called jail
And da-da's probably on his way to all of em except one
Cause mama's got a new husband and a stepson
And you don't want a brother do ya? (Nah)
Maybe when you're old enough to understand a little better
I'll explain it to ya
But for now we'll just say mama was real real bad
She was bein mean to dad and made him real real mad
But I still feel sad that I put her on time-out
Sit back in your chair honey, quit tryin to climb out (WAHH!)
I told you it's okay HaiHai, wanna ba-ba?
Take a night-night? Nan-a-boo, goo-goo ga-ga?
Her make goo-goo ca-ca? Da-da change your dia-dee
Clean the baby up so her can take a nighty-nighty
Your dad'll wake her up as soon as we get to the water
Ninety-seven Bonnie and Clyde, me and my daughter
Just the two of us.. (2X)
And when we ride!
Just the two of us.. (2X)
Just you and I!
Just the two of us.. (2X)
And when we ride!
Just the two of us.. (2X)
Just you and I!
Wake up sweepy head we're here, before we pway
we're gonna take mama for a wittle walk along the pier
Baby, don't cry honey, don't get the wrong idea
Mama's too sweepy to hear you screamin in her ear (ma-maa!)
That's why you can't get her to wake, but don't worry
Da-da made a nice bed for mommy at the bottom of the lake
Here, you wanna help da-da tie a rope around this rock? (yeah!)
We'll tie it to her footsie then we'll roll her off the dock
Ready now, here we go, on the count of free..
One.. two.. free.. WHEEEEEE!
There goes mama, spwashin in the wa-ta
No more fightin wit dad, no more restraining order
No more step-da-da, no more new brother
Blow her kisses bye-bye, tell mama you love her (mommy!)
Now we'll go play in the sand, build a castle and junk
But first, just help dad with two more things out the trunk
Just the two of us.. (2X)
And when we ride!
Just the two of us.. (2X)
Just you and I!
Just the two of us.. (2X)
And when we ride!
Just the two of us.. (2X)
Just you and I!
Just the two of us.. (4X)
Just me and you baby
is all we need in this world
Just me and you
Your da-da will always be there for you
Your da-da's always gonna love you
Remember that
If you ever need me I will always be here for you
If you ever need anything, just ASK
Da-da will be right there
Your da-da loves you
I love you baby
Justin? It's Zoe.
Kelly did not have me call, however
I just listened to Eminem in her car and
it is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard in my entire life.
And I seriously wanna call his fucking agent
And tell him how fucking disgusting he is
It, like, makes me upset and
I'm now nausious and I can't eat lunch. Goodbye.
OK, I'm going to attempt to
drown myself
You can try this at home
You can be just like me!
Mic check one two.. we recordin?
I'm cancerous, so when I diss you wouldn't wanna answer this
If you responded back with a battle rap you wrote for Canibus
I strangled you to death then I choked you again
Then break your fuckin legs till your bones poke through your skin
You beef wit me, I'ma even the score equally
Take you on Jerry Springer, and beat yer ass legally
I get you blunted off of funny home grown
Cause when I smoke out I hit the trees harder than Sonny Bono
(Ohh no!!) So if I said I never did drugs
That would mean I lie AND get fucked more than the President does
Hillary Clinton tried to slap me and call me a pervert
I ripped her fuckin tonsils out and fed her sherbet (Bitch!)
My nerves hurt, and lately I'm on edge
Grabbed Vanilla Ice and ripped out his blonde dreads (Fuck you!)
Every girl I ever went out wit is goin lez
Follow me and do exactly what the song says:
smoke weed, take pills, drop outta school, kill people and drink
And jump behind the wheel like it was still legal
I'm dumb enough to walk in a store and steal
So I'm dumb enough to ask for a date with Lauryn Hill
Some people only see that I'm white, ignorin skill
Cause I stand out like a green hat with a orange bill
But I don't get pissed, y'all don't even see through the mist
How the fuck can I be white, I don't even exist
I get a clean shave, bathe, go to a rave
Die from an overdose and dig myself up out of my grave
My middle finger won't go down, how do I wave?
And this is how I'm supposed to teach kids how to behave?
Now follow me and do exactly what you see
Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I slap women and eat shrooms then O.D.
Now don't you wanna grow up to be just like me!
Me and Marcus Allen went over to see Nicole
When we heard a knock at the door, must have been Ron Gold'
Jumped behind the door, put the orgy on hold
Killed em both and smeared blood in a white Bronco (we did it!)
My mind won't work if my spine don't jerk
I slapped Garth Brooks out of his Rhinestone shirt
I'm not a player just a ill rhyme sayer
That'll spray an Aerosol can up at the ozone layer (psssssssh)
My rap style's warped, I'm runnin out the morgue
witcha dead grandmother's corpse to throw it on your porch
Jumped in a Chickenhawk cartoon wit a cape on
And beat up Foghorn Leghorn with an acorn
I'm bout as normal as Norman Bates, with deformative traits
A premature birth that was four minutes late
Mother.. are you there? I love you
I never meant to hit you over the head with that shovel
Will someone explain to my brain that I just severed
a main vein with a chainsaw and I'm in pain?
I take a breather and sighed; either I'm high, or I'm nuts
Cause if you ain't tiltin this room, neither am I
So when you see your mom with a thermometer shoved in her ass
Then it probably is obvious I got it on with her
Cause when I drop this solo shit it's over with
I bought Cage's tape, opened it, and dubbed over it
I came to the club drunk with a fake ID
Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I've been with 10 women who got HIV
Now don't you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I got genital warts and it burns when I pee
Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I tie a rope around my penis and jump from a tree
You probably wanna grow up to be just like me!!!
This is for all the ladies out
there...
I never meant to...
give you mushrooms girl
I never meant to...
bring you to my world
And now you're lying in the corner...crying
Yeah, woooo!
Chorus: repeat 2X
I never meant to give you mushrooms girl
I never meant to bring you to my world
Now you sitting in the corner crying
And now it's my fault my fault
I went to John's rave with Ron and Dave
And met a new wave blonde babe with half of her head shaved
A nurse aid who came to get laid and tied up
with first aid tape and raped on the first date
Susan -- an ex-heroin addict who just stopped usin
who love booze and alternative music (Whattup?)
Told me she was goin back into usin again (Nah!)
I said, "Wait, first try this hallucinogen
It's better than heroin, Henn, the booze or the gin
C'mere, let's go in here" *knocks on the door*
"Who's in the den?"
"It's me and Kelly!"
"My bad, (sorry) let's try another room"
I don't trust you!
"Shut up slut! Chew up this mushroom
This'll help you get in touch with your roots
We'll get barefoot, buttnaked, and run in the woods
Oh hell, I might as well try em, this party is so drab
"Oh dag!!"
What?
"I ain't mean for you to eat the whole bag!"
Huh?!
Chorus: 1st repeat Em says "I'm sorry!" at the end
2nd repeat same as original Chorus
"Yo Sue!"
Get away from me, I don't know you
Oh shoot, she's tripping..
I need to go puke!! (Bleahh!)
I wasn't tryin to turn this into somethin major
I just wanted to make you appreciate nature
Susan, stop cryin, I don't hate ya
The world's not against you, I'm sorry your father raped you
So what you had your little coochie in your dad's mouth?
That ain't no reason to start wiggin and spaz out
She said,
Help me I think I'm havin a seizure!
I said, "I'm high too bitch, quit grabbin my t-shirt" (Let go!)
"Would you calm down you're startin to scare me"
She said,
I'm twenty-six years old and I'm not married
I don't even have any kids and I can't cook
(Hello!) I'm over here Sue, (hi) you're talkin to the plant, look!
We need to get to a hospital 'fore it's too late
Cause I never seen no-one eat as many shrooms as you ate
Chorus: 1st repeat Em says "Whoops!" after first line
and "It was an accident!" at the end
2nd repeat same as original Chorus
Susan (wait!) Where you goin? You better be careful
Leave me alone dad, I'm sick of gettin my hair pulled
I'm not your dad, quit tryin to swallow your tongue
Want some gum? Put down the scissors, 'fore you do somethin dumb
I'll be right back just chill baby please?
I gotta go find Dave he's the one who gave me these
"John, where's Dave at before I bash you?"
He's in the bathroom; I think he's takin a crap dude!
"Dave! Pull up your pants, we need an ambulance
There's a girl upstairs talkin to plants
choppin her hair off, and there's only two days left
of Spring Break, how long do these things take to wear off?"
Well it depends on how may you had
"I took three, she ate the other twenty-two caps
Now she's upstairs cryin out her eyeballs, drinkin Lysol"
She's gonna die dude
"I know and it's my fault!"
My god!!!
Chorus: 1st repeat Em says "I'm sorry!" after second line
and "What do I do?" at the end
2nd repeat same as original Chorus
My God, I'm so sorry!
I'm so sorry! Susan please wake up!
Please! Please wake up!! What are you doing?!
You're not dead!! You're NOT dead!
I know you're not dead! Oh my God!
Susan wake up! Oh God...
[Ken Kaniff]I'm gonna call
this motherfucker.
Oh fuck yeah.
Give him a piece of mind. A piece of my ass.
[Operator]Thank you for waiting. Hello, may I help you.
[Ken Kaniff]Oh thank you. I need to make a collect call.
[Operator]What number?
[Ken Kaniff]Oh the number is **6-2***
[Operator]At the tone, please say your name.
[Ken Kaniff]Kenneth Kaniff, from Connecticut. Automated piece of shit.
[Eminem]Yo.
[Ken Kaniff]Hey there, cock boy.
[Eminem]Who's this?
[Ken Kaniff]This is Ken Kaniff.
[Eminem]Who?
[Ken Kaniff]Ken Kaniff from Connecticut, you little bitch.
[Eminem]From Connecticut? I don't know nobody in Connecticut.
[Ken Kaniff]Yeah, you wanna get a hotel room with me?
[Eminem]A hotel room?
[Ken Kaniff]Yeah, you want me to lick your ass, Eminem?
[Eminem]Yo, who is this, Cage?
[Ken Kaniff]You want me to fuckin melt in your mouth and not in your hand?
Melt in your ass you little cock boy.
[Eminem]Yo, shut up you little bitch.
[Ken Kaniff]Oh, you think I'm lying huh...
[Eminem]Hahahahahaha
Yo, mic check
Testing one, two, um... twelve
My favourite color is red, like the blood shed
From Kurt Cobain's head when he shot himself dead
Women all grabbin' at my shishkabob
Bought Lauryn Hill's tape so her kids could starve
You thought I was livid, now I'm even more so
Shit I got full blown AIDS and a sore throat
I got a wardrobe with an orange robe
I'm in the fourth row, signin' autographs until my show
I just remembered that I'm absent minded
Wait, I mean I've lost my mind I can't find it
I freestylin every verse that I spit
Cuz I don't even remember the words to my shit
I told the doc that I need a change in sickness
I gave a girl herpes in exchange for syphillis
Put my LP on your Christmas gift list
You wanna get high, here bitch just sniff this
Cum on everybody, get down tonight
I tried suicide once and I'll try it again
That's why I write songs where I die at the end
Cuz I don't give a fuck, like my middle finger was stuck
And I was waving it at everybody screamin' "I suck"
I go on stage in front of a sellout crowd
And yell out loud "All y'all get the hell out now"
Fuck rap, I'm givin' it up y'all, I'm sorry
But Eminem this is your record release party!
I'm bored out of my gourd
So I took a hammer and nailed my foot the the floorboard of my Ford
I guess I'm just a sick, sick bastard
Just one sandwich short of a picnic basket
One Excederin tablet short of a full medicine cabinet
Feel like my head has been shredded like lettuce and cabbage
And if you ever see a video for this shit
I'll probably be dressed up like a mummy with my wrists slit
Cum on everybody, get down tonight
Got bitches on my jock out in East Detroit
Cuz they think I'm a motherfuckin Beastie Boy
So I told 'em I was Mike D, they was like
gee I don't know, he might be!
I told em meet me at Kid Rock's next concert
I'll be standin by the Loch Ness monster, peace out
Then I jetted to the weed house, smoked out til I started bustin freestyles
Broke out
then I dipped quick, back to the crib, put on lipstick
Crushed up the Tylenol and ate it with a dipstick
Made a couple of prank calls collect
(Ken Kaniff from Connecticut, can you accept?)
I wanna make songs all the fellas dog
And murder every rich rapper that I'm jealous of
So just remember when I bomb your set
Yo, I only cuss to make your mom upset
Cum on everybody get down tonight
A' yo
This song is dedicated to all the happy people
All the happy people
Who have real nice lives
That have now idea what its like to be broke as fuck
I feel like I'm walking a tight rope without a circus net
I'm popping per cassette I'm a nervous wreck
I deserve respect
But I'm working sweat for this worthless check
'Bout to burst this tech, for somebody to reverse this debt
Minimum wage got my adrenaline caged
Full of venom and rage
Ecspecially when I'm engaged
And my daughter's down to her last diaper
That's got my ass hyper
I pray that god answers, maybe I'll ask nicer
Watching ballers while they crossing and pathfinders
These overnight stars becomin autograph signers
We'll all gone blow up and leave the past behind us
Along with the small fry's and average half pinters
Well player haters turnin bitch like they have vagina's
'Cause we see them dollar signs and let the cash blind us
Money will brainwash and leave your ass mindless
Snakes sliver up the grass spine less
Thats Rock Bottom
When this life makes you mad enough to kill
Thats Rock Bottom
When you want somthing bad enough to steal
Thats Rock Bottom
When you feel like you have had it up to here
'cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear
Thats Rock Bottom
When this life makes you mad enough to kill
Thats Rock Bottom
When you want somthing bad enough to steal
Thats Rock Bottom
When you feel like you have had it up to here
'cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear
My life is full of empty promises And broken dreams
I'm hopin' things will look up But there ain't no job openings
I feel discouraged, hungry and malnourished
Liven in this house with no furnice, un-furnished
I'm sick of working dead end jobs with lame pay
Tired of being hired and fired on the same day
But fuck it, you know the rules to the game, play
'Cause when we die we know were all going the same way
It's cool to be player, but it sucks to be the fan
'Cause all you need is bucks to be the man
Plus a luxury Sedan
Too comfortable and roomy in the six
They threw me in the mix
With all these gloomy lunatics
Walkin around depressed
And smoke a pound of sets a day
And yesterday went by so quick it seems like it was just today
My daughter wants to throw the ball but I'm too stressed to play
Live half my life throw the rest away
Thats Rock Bottom
When this life makes you mad enough to kill
Thats Rock Bottom
When you want somthing bad enough to steal
Thats Rock Bottom
When you feel like you have had it up to here
'cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear
Thats Rock Bottom
When this life makes you mad enough to kill
Thats Rock Bottom
When you want somthing bad enough to steal
Thats Rock Bottom
When you feel like you have had it up to here
'cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear
There's people that love me and people that hate me
But it's the evil that made me this backstabber MC called Slim Shady
I want the money, the women, the fortune and fame
If it means I end up burning in hell scorching in flames
Means I'm stealing your check book and forging your name
Like times lives for eternal torture and pain
'Cause right now I feel like I just hit the rock bottom
I got problems and now everbody on my block's got 'em
I'm screaming like those two cops when 2pac shot 'em
Holding two glocks, I hope your door got two locks on 'em
My daughters feet ain't got no shoes or socks on 'em
And them rings you wearing look like they got a few rocks on 'em
While you flaunting them I could be taking them to shops to pawn them
I got a couple of rings and a brand new watch you want 'em?
'Cause I ain't never went gold of one song
Im running up on someones lawn with guns drawn
Thats Rock Bottom
When this life makes you mad enough to kill
Thats Rock Bottom
When you want somthing bad enough to steal
Thats Rock Bottom
When you feel like you have had it up to here
'cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear
Thats Rock Bottom
When this life makes you mad enough to kill
Thats Rock Bottom
When you want somthing bad enough to steal
Thats Rock Bottom
When you feel like you have had it up to here
'cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear
Intro Frogg:
Whoa, a get your hands in the air and get to clappin 'em,
and like, back and forth bacause, ah, this is what you thought it
wasn't. It bes the brothers roughest to enter, dirty dozen.
I be the F-R-O and double G *coughing in background*
And check out the man he goes by the name of er...
Verse 1 Eminem, (Frogg):
Slim Shady
Brain dead like Jim Brady
I'm a M80
You little like that Kim lady
I'm buzzin, Dirty Dozen, naughty writin rhymer
Cursin at you players worse than Marty Schottenheimer
You wacker than the motherfucker you bit your style from
You ain't gonna sell two copies if you pressed a double album
Admit it, fuck it, I'll be comin out in the open
I'm doin acid, crack, smack, hocus smokin dope then
My name is Marshall Mathers, I'm an alcoholic (Hi Marshall)
I have a disease and they don't know what to call it
Better hide your wallet cause I'm comin up quick to strip your cash
Bought a ticket to your concert to come and whip your ass
Bitch, I'm comin out swingin, so fast it'll make your eyes spin
You gettin knocked the fuck out like Mike Tyson
The proof is in the pudding just ask the Shawn Holman
I'll slit your motherfuckin throat worse than Ron Goldman
Chorus:
So when you see me on your block with two glocks
Screamin fuck the world like Tupac, I just don't give a fuck
Talkin that shit behind my back, dirty mack
And tellin your boys that I'm on crack, I just don't give a fuck
So, put my tape back on the rack
Go run and tell your friends my shit is wack,I just don't give a fuck
You see me on the street and duck,
Cause you gon get stuck, stoned, and snuck
Cause I just don't give a fuck
Verse 2 Eminem, (Frogg):
I'm nicer than P, but I'm on a search to crush your milkbone
I'm everlasting, I melt Vanilla Ice like silicone
I'm ill enough to just straight up diss you for no reason
I'm colder than snow season when it's twenty below freezin
Flavor with known seasonin, this is the sneak preview
I'll diss your magazine and still won't get a weak review
I'll make your freak leave you, smell the Folgers crystals
This is lyrical combat, Eminem hold your pistols
But I form like Voltran and blast you with my shoulder missles
Slim Shady, M&M is my old initials (Bye-bye)
Extortion, snortin, supportin abortion
Pathological liar, blowin shit out of proportion
Illunious, zanious, spontaneous, sporatic
Impulsive thinker, impulsive drinker, addict
Half animal, half man
Dumpin your dead body inside of a fucking trash can
With more holes than an afghan
Chorus
Verse 3 Eminem:
Somebody let me out this limousine, I'm a caged demon
On stage screamin like Rage Against The Machine
I'm convinced I'm a fiend, shootin up while this record is spinnin
Clinically braindead, I don't need a second opinion
Fuck droppin the jaw, I'm flippin the sacred treasure
I'll bite your motherfuckin style just to make it fresher
I can't take the pressure, I'm sick of bitches
Sick of naggin bosses bitchin while I'm washin dishes
In school I never said much, too busy havin a headrush
Doin too much rush had my face flushed like red blush
Then I went to Jim Beam that's when my face strayed
Went to gym in eighth grade raped the womens swim team
Don't take me for a joke I'm no comedian
Too many mental problems got me snortin coke and smokin weed again
I'm goin up over the curb, drivin on the median
Finally made it home, but I don't got the key to get in
Chorus
Outro Eminem:
Hey, fuck that!
Outsidaz
Pace One
Young Zee
"Skylar Montgomery?"
"What do you want from me Roger?"
"I know it was you all along messing around with my dear Veronica."
"Wait a minute. You hold it right there. Me and that woman love each other."
"Love? What do you know of love?"
"We were destined to be together. I met her on the beach..."
"Are you out to destroy me?"
"No, Roger. That's not what I want to do. I love her! And we're gonna be
together, never."
I dont know why this world
keep turning
Round and Round
But I wish it would stop, and let me off right now
Yes man
As the World Turns
We all experience things in life
Trials and Tribulations
That we all must go through
When someone wants to test us
When someone tries our patience
I hang with a bunch of hippies
and wacky tobacco planters
Who swallow lit roaches
and light up like jack-o-lanterns
Outsiders baby, and we suing the courts
Cuz we're dope as fuck and only get a 2 in the source
They never should've booted me out of reform school
Deformed fool,takin a shit in a warm pool
They threw me out the Ramada Inn
I said it wasn't me, I got a twin (Oh my god its you! Not again!)
It all started when my mother took my bike away
Cuz I murdered my guinea pig and stuck him in the microwave
After that, It was straight to the 40 ouncers
Slappin teachers, and jackin off in front of my counselors
Class clown freshman, dressed like Les Nessman
Fuck the next lesson, I'll past the test guessin
And all the other kids said Eminem's a dishead,
He'll never last, the only class he'll pass is phys ed
May be true, till I told this bitch in gym class
That she was too fat to swim laps, she needed Slim Fast (Who Me?)
Yeah bitch you so big you walked into big Tanny's and stepped on Jenny Craig
She picked me up to snap me like a skinny twig
Put me in the headlock, then I thought of my guinea pig
I felt the evilness and started transformin (RARRRR!)
It began storming, I heard a bunch of cheering fans swarming
Grabbed that bitch by her hair
Drug her across the ground
And took her up to the highest diving board and tossed her down
Sorry coach, its too late to tell me stop
While I drop this bitch face down and watch her belly flop
Chorus
As the World Turns
These are the days of our lives
These are the things that we must go through
Day by day
We drive around in million dollar sports cars
While little kids hide this tape from their parents like bad report cards
Outsiders, and we suing the courts
Cuz we dope as fuck and only get a 2 in The Source
Hypercondriac, hanging out at the laundromat
Where all the raunchy fat white trashy blondes be at
Dressed like a sailor, standin by a pale of garbage
Its almost dark and I'm still tryna nail a trailor park bitch
I met a slut and said "What up, its nice to meet ya"
I'd like to treat ya to a Faygo and a slice of pizza
But I'm broke as fuck and I don't get paid till the first of next month
But if you care to join me, I was bout to roll this next blunt
But I aint got no weed, no phillies, or no papers
Plus I'm a rapist and a repeated prison escapist
So gimme all your money
And don't try nothin funny
Cuz you know your stinkin ass is too fat to try to outrun me
I went to grab my gun
Thats when her ass put it on me
Wit an uppercut and hit me with a basket of laundry
I fell through the glass doors
Started causin a scene
Then slid across the floor and flew right into a washin machine
Jumped up with a broken back
Thank god I was smokin crack all day
And doped up off coke and smack
All I wanted to do was rape the bitch and snatch her purse
Now I wanna kill her
But so I gotta catch her first
Ran threw alleys, parkin lots, and took a shortcut
Saw the house she ran up in
And shot her fuckin porch up
Kicked the door down to murder this divorced slut
Looked around the room
Thats when I seen the bedroom door shut
I know you're in there bitch! I got my gun cocked!
You might as well come out now
She said "Come in, its unlocked!"
I walked in and all I smelled was Liz Claiborne
And seen her spread across the bed naked watchin gay porn
She said "Come her big boy, lets get acquainted"
I turned around to run, twisted my ankle and sprained it
She came at me at full speed, nothin could stop her
I shot her five times and every bullet bounced off her
I started to beg "No, please let go"
But she swallowed my fuckin leg whole like an egg roll
With one leg left, now I'm hoppin around crippled
I grabbed my pocket knife and sliced off her right nipple
Just trying to buy me some time, then I remembered this magic trick
Den Den Den Den Den Den, Go go gadget dick!
Whipped that shit out, and aint no doubt about it
It hit the ground and caused an earthquake and pow-wowed it
I shouted "Now bitch, lets see who gets the best!"
Stuffed that shit in crooked and fucked that fat slut to death (Ahh!! Ahhh!)
Come here bitch!
Come here!
Take this motherfuckin dick!
Bitch, come here!
Chorus to fade
And as we go along
Throughout the days of our lives
We all face small obstacles and challenges everyday
That we must go through
These are the things that surround us through our atmohsphere
Every Day
Every single day the world keeps turning
Who came through with two
glocks to terrorize your borough (Huh?)
Told you how to slap dips and murder your girl (I did)
Gave you all the finger and told you to sit and twirl
Sold a billion tapes and still screamed fuck the world (Slim Shady)
so come and kill me while my name's hot
And shoot me twenty five times in the same spot (Ow)
Think I've got a generation brainwashed
To pop pills and smoke pot till they brains rot (Uh, oh?)
Stop they blood flow until they veins clot
I need a pain shot, and a shot of plain scotch
Purple haze and acid raindrops
Spiked the punch at the party and drank pop (gulp gulp)
Shaved my armpits and wore a tank top
Bad Boy, I told you that I can't stop
Gotta make 'em fear you before you make 'em feel you
So everybody buy my shit or I'ma come and kill you
I got mushrooms
I got acid
I got tabs and aspirin tablets
I'm your brother when you need some new weed to set you free
You know me I'm your friend when you need a mini-thin (Slim Shady)
I'm Shady!
I like happy things
I'm really calm and peaceful (Uh huh huh)
I like birds, bees, I like people
I like funny things that make me happy and gleeful
Like when my teacher sucked my wee-wee in preschool (Woo!)
The ill type, I stab myself with a steel spike
While I blow my brain out just to see what it feels like
And this is how I am in real life
I don't want to just die a normal death, I wanna be killed twice (Uh huh)
How you wanna scare somebody with a gun threat
When they're high off of drugs they haven't even done yet
So bring the money by tonight
Cause your wife says this is the biggest knife she ever saw in her life (Help me
help me)
I try to keep it positive and play it cool
Shoot up the playground and tell the kids to stay in school (Stay in school!)
Cause I'm the one they can relate to and look up to better
Tonight I think I'll write my biggest fan a fuck you letter
I got mushrooms
I got acid
I got tabs and aspirin tablets
I'm your brother when you need some new weed to set you free
You know me I'm your friend when you need a mini-thin (Slim Shady)
I'm Shady!
I listen to your demo tape and act like I don't like it (Aw that shit is wack)
Six months later you hear your lyrics on my shit (Hey that's my shit!)
People don't buy shit no more they just dub it
That's why I'm still broke and had the number one club hit (Yup, uh huh)
But they love it when you make your business public
So fuck it, I've got herpes while we're on the subject (Uh huh)
And if I told you I had AIDS y'all would play it
Cause you stupid motherfuckers think I'm playing when I say it
Well, I do take pills
I don't do speed
I Don't do crack
I don't do coke
I do smoke weed
I Don't do smack
I do do shrooms
I Do drink beer
I just wanna make a few things clear
My baby mama's not dead (nuh uh)
she's still alive and bitching (yup)
And I don't have herpes, my dick's just itching
It's not syphillis, and as for being AIDS infested
I don't know yet, I'm too scared to get tested
I got mushrooms
I got acid
I got tabs and aspirin tablets
I'm your brother when you need some new weed to set you free
You know me I'm your friend when you need a mini-thin (Slim Shady)
I'm Shady!
I told you I was Shady
Y'all didn't wanna believe me
I'm Shady
And that's my name
I reckon you ain't familiar
with these here parts
You know, there's a story behind that there saloon
Twenty years ago, two outlaws took this whole town over
Sheriffs couldn't stop em
Quickest damn gun slingers I've ever seen
Got murdered in cold blood
That ol' saloon there was their little home away from home
They say the ghosts of Bad and Evil still live in that tavern
And on a quiet night
You can still hear the footsteps of Slim Shady and Royce Da Five-Nine...
I don't speak, I float in the air wrapped in a sheet
I'm not a real person, I'm a ghost trapped in a beat
I translate when my voice is read through a sismograph
And a noise is bred, picked up and transmitted through Royce's head
Trapped him in his room, possessed him and hoist his bed
Till the evilness flows through his blood like poisonous lead
Told him each one of his boys is dead
I asked him to come to the dark side, he made a choice and said
Who hard? yo I done heard worse
We can get in two cars and accelerate at each other
To see which one'll swerve first
Two blind bandits panic, whose mental capacity holds
That of a globe on top of nine other planets
Kissed the cheek of the devil
Intelligence level is hellier than treble peakin on speakers in the ghetto
Dismissal, I'm not a fair man, disgraced the race of a atheist
Intercepting missles with my bare hands like a patriot
One track sliced without swords, I buried the Christ corpse
In my past life when the Black Knight mounted the white horse
And stay over-worked, its like the Nazis in the nations
Collaborating, attemptin to take over the earth
Cuz this is what happens when Bad Meets Evil
We hit the trees till we look like Vietnamese people
He's Evil, and I'm Bad like Steve Segal
Above the law cuz I don't agree wit police either (shit, me neither)
We ain't eager to be legal
So please leave me with the keys to your Jeep Eagle
I breathe ether in three amounts
When I stab myself in the knee with a diseased needle
Releasin rage on anybody in squeezing range
Cold enough to make the seasons change into freezing rain
(He's insane) No I'm not, I just want to shoot up and I'm pissed off
Cuz I can't find a decent vain
The disaster with dreds
I'm bad enough to commit suicide and survive long enough
To kill my soul after I'm dead
When in danger it's funny actually my flavor's similar to a waiter
Cuz I serve any stranger with money
I spray a hundred, man until they joint chains
While slippin bullets at point blank range like they was punches
Piss on a flag and burn it, murder you then come to your funeral
Serve this lobbyist, strangle your body then confirm you
Whippin human ass, throwin blows crackin jaws
With my fists wrapped in gause, dipped in glue and glass
I'm blazin MC's, at the same time amazin MC's
Somehow MC's ain't that eye-brow raisin to me
From all of angles of us, flash a mack loud enough to cast a avalanche
And bust till volcanoes errupt
Hello? (Billy) Hey yo (we're comin to get you)
STOP, THEY KNOW IT'S US!!
I used to be a loudmouth, remember me? (uh-ah)
I'm the one who burned your house down (oh)
Well I'm out now (shit), and this time I'm comin back to blow your house up
And I ain't gon leave you a window to jump out of
Give me two fat tabs and three shrooms
And you won't see me like fat people in steam rooms
And when I go to hell and I'm gettin ready to leave
I'ma put air in a bag and charge people to breathe
Cuz this is what happens when Bad Meets Evil
And we hit the trees till we look like Vietnamese people
He's Evil, and I'm Bad like Steve Segal
Against peaceful, see you in hell for the sequel
(We'll be waitin) See you in hell
Wall Street, Royce Da Five-Nine, Slim Shady
See you in hell for the sequel (bye bye)
Bad Meets Evil, what? (till next time)
And so that's the story when Bad Meets Evil
Two of the most wanted individuals in the county
Made Jesse James and Billy the Kid look like law-abiding citizens
It's too bad they had to go out the way they did
Got shot in the back comin out of that ol' saloon
But their spirits still live on to this day
Shhh... wait, did y'all hear that?
A lot of people ask me.. am I
afraid of death..
Hell yeah I'm afraid of death
I don't want to die yet
A lot of people think.. that I worship the devil..
that I do all types of.. retarded shit
Look, I can't change the way I think
And I can't change the way I am
But if I offended you? Good
Cause I still don't give a fuck
I'm zonin off of one joint, stoppin a limo
Hopped in the window, shoppin a demo at gunpoint
A lyricist without a clue, what year is this?
Fuck a needle, here's a sword, bodypierce with this
Livin amuk, never givin a fuck
Gimme the keys I'm drunk, and I've never driven a truck
But I smoke dope in a cab
I'll stab you with the sharpest knife I can grab
Come back the next week and re-open your scab (YEAH!)
A killer instinct runs in the blood
Emptyin full clips and buryin guns in the mud
I've calmed down now -- I was heavy once into drugs
I could walk around straight for two months with a buzz
My brain's gone, my soul's worn and my spirit is torn
The rest of my body's still bein operated on
I'm ducked the fuck down while I'm writin this rhyme
Cause I'm probably gonna get struck with lightnin this time
Chorus:
For all the weed that I've smoked - yo this blunt's for you
To all the people I've offended - yeah fuck you too!
To all the friends I used to have - yo I miss my past
But the rest of you assholes can KISS MY ASS
For all the drugs that I've done - yo I'm still gon' do
To all the people I've offended - yeah fuck you too!
For everytime I reminisce - yo I miss my past
But I still don't give a fuck, y'all can KISS MY ASS
I walked into a gunfight with a knife to kill you
And cut you so fast when your blood spilled it was still blue
I'll hang you til you dangle and chain you with both ankles
And pull you apart from both angles
I wanna crush your skull til your brains leaks out of your veins
And bust open like broken water mains
So tell Saddam not to bother with makin another bomb
Cause I'm crushin the whole world in my palm
Got your girl on my arm and I'm armed with a firearm
So big my entire arm is a giant firebomb
Buy your mom a shirt with a Slim Shady iron-on
And the pants to match ("Here momma try em on")
I get a master ticked with a mouth full of adjectives,
a brain full of adverbs, and a box full of laxatives
(Shittin on rappers) Causin hospital accidents
God help me before I commit some irresponsible acts again
Chorus
I wanted an album so rugged nobody could touch it
Spend a million a track and went over my budget (Ohh shit!)
Now how in the fuck am I supposed to get out of debt?
I can't rap anymore - I just murdered the alphabet
Drug sickness got me doin some bugged twitches
I'm withdrawn from crack so bad my blood itches
I don't rap to get the women - fuck bitches
Give me a fat slut that cooks and does dishes
Never ran with a click - I'm a posse
Kamikaze, strappin a motherfuckin bomb across me
From the second I was born, my momma lost me
I'm a cross between Manson, Esham and Ozzy
I don't know why the fuck I'm here in the first place
My worst day on this earth was my first birthday
Retarded? What did that nurse say? Brain damage?
Fuck, I was born during the earthquake
Chorus
